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Pursuing Your Dreams

April 8, 2009 by Chrissi

I recently read a chapter from a book about my generation, dubbed “Generation Me” (that’s also the name of the book, by Jean Twenge) that has got me thinking about the concept of pursuing one’s dreams. As I understood it, it’s the belief of this author that my generation has been accidentally set up. She explains how well-meaning parents and teachers spent too much time cultivating our self-esteem and not enough cultivating our self-control. We were told that we could do anything we wanted with our lives, we were given trophies just for participating, we were told that the most important thing to do was follow our dreams.

Oops!

While our parents and teachers might have encouraged us to think we could do anything we put our minds to, the reality is that we can’t! While we were told to never settle for anything short of achieving our dreams, the reality is that dreams–by their very nature–are not necessarily ever to be reality. Most of us are simply not good enough at the things we like to be the best at them! I think about this every year when I watch the tryouts for American Idol. But I digress…

This is a hard one because, like anything, there is much good in this message so

When I was little, my dream was to be a dancing pop star like Paula Abdul.

When I was little, my dream was to be a dancing pop star like Paula Abdul.

convincingly given to us. Namely, that the ONLY way to accomplish your dreams is to pursue them (although that doesn’t necessarily ensure that you will be successful), that we shouldn’t let insecurity and self doubt interfere with our plans, etc. Many of us were also taught that we would have to work hard to pursue our dreams. Many were not.

 

I am a lucky one, I now realize. Until high school I went to a private Christian school that definitely did not buy in to the self-esteem movement. I wish they had just a little bit, but they didn’t. My parents, while supportive, just didn’t use this weird ethereal language about believing in yourself no matter what and reaching for the stars. They complimented me on the things I was good at, encouraged me to work harder, and let me wander and fall a few times. But that doesn’t mean I was immune to what I believe was one of the primary themes of our generation. I just spiritualized it.

I spent my late teen years in a constant state of angst that I was going to miss “my calling.” Some of this urgency led me to do great things, like pack up my stuff and move to the Philippines with my husband 6 months after we got married. But it also caused an incredible amount of stress and confusion.

And now, while I am happily pursuing a Masters in Counseling and excited about the opportunities it will provide me to impact people’s lives, I’m not sure if I would say it is my lifelong dream or anything like that. Life is a journey and I like the way mine is going. That’s about it.

Yet around me are many smart, capable, wonderful friends who have swallowed the pill and the result is dreadful. Many don’t even have dreams, yet they feel that they have “wait” for the dream to come along so they can pursue it. They’re stuck in dead-end jobs and they’re waiting. Other friends are at various levels of attempting to live out there childhood dreams. Some are for sure going to make it. Some, I can see, are not. Many are determined that it is God’s responsibility to ensure that their dream is fulfilled. Their faith in Him is now inextricably tied to their own success. Scary.

And to be honest, I’m not sure what to say to them. Quit? Give up? God’s not concerned with your dream? You’ll never make it? I don’t know about you, but I am NOT going to be that person. Especially because some of them will make it, some of them will reach the stars. While our generation as a whole might have been misled into thinking fulfillment and success were their birthrights, there are certainly many who will enjoy both.

For those still waiting for their dream, I think it’s a bit easier to address, although it does still sound cruel to our Generation Me ears. To them I would say, “Hey, just find something you like, something that challenges you a bit, pays reasonably well, and makes the world better in some way and do it.” Even that privilege is just remarkable. Most people in this trouble-laden world just do what they can to keep themselves clothed and fed. At least some of us will actually get to do jobs we like. And that’s good enough. Isn’t it?

This all reminds me of my favorite movie in high school, Reality Bites. This movie is also probably largely responsible for my less idealist perspective on adulthood (and for my adolescent smoking habit which, fortunately, didn’t last long). In it, the main character asks her newly graduated (from college) friend what he wants to do with his life. His answer is perfect: “I guess I’d like to have a career or something.”

Posted in Living | 2 Comments »

Political Ambivalence

April 7, 2009 by Chrissi

So, when I posted my desire to diversify, one of my very politically active friends suggested I look into some recent actions of the new administration and share my opinions. I am here to confess that I haven’t done this. I am, like many, in a constant state of political ambivalence and I don’t know what to do about it.

To some of you who know me, this may be surprising as I seem to have strong opinions on just about everything, and there are certainly many “political” subjects about which I feel passionate. But when it comes to believing that any of these so-called political issues can be solved through political (i.e. government) action, I feel the energy and hope draining through my fingertips. 

Case in point, our handsome, brilliant, inspiring, articulate current president. As a person, he is just the coolest. I love hearing him talk, I love his life story, I admire his wife tremendously and respect him for marrying a strong, powerful woman. But do I have any faith that he is going to make any right decisions in this time of turmoil? No, not really.

Certainly, I may be a bit cynical, but there is more to this core of ambivalence than mere cynicism or apathy.  There is a feeling, even a conviction, that there is no place for me. I remember when my father pointed out that commercials were no longer geared toward him or his generation, but to the newer generation. He added that this seemingly unimportant fact made him feel a bit, well, irrelevant. I mean, they were just commercials, but somehow their message was, “this isn’t really about you anymore.” This is very much how I feel every time I try to delve into the political sphere. While I don’t feel that my entire generation is irrelevant (heck, we’re probably more empowered than we deserve), I do sometimes feel that I am.

That is because I (and I’m thinking millions and millions of others) just can’t seem to fit myself into either of the grab-bag options given to us in this wacky American political system. I am not a conservative, but I am not a liberal. I am wandering in the wasteland of moderation. Not only am I a moderate, but I don’t even seem to be a good, proper, understandable moderate. I seem to mix up the issues that moderates are supposed to be concerned about. When I’m supposed to lean just a bit left, I find myself gravitating toward the right. When all the good moderates are siding with the conservatives, I find myself unable to.

So there is no place for me. Let’s be honest about how we as a country tend to feel about moderates. They’re boring. They waffle. They’re disloyal. If you’re a conservative you think they’re just a liberal trying to trick you and if you’re a liberal, they are just a conservative trying to be hip. They don’t effect change. They don’t make a difference. They don’t really know where they stand on the issues. 

But those things are not true! At least not from where I stand (which, granted, may be a bit biased). I think I do know where I stand. It’s just that I always seem to be with different people. I know how I feel about abortion, capital punishment, gay rights, racism, public schools, foreign policy /war, women’s rights, poverty in America, global warming and more. I might not have a great grasp on what the heck to do with the current economic crisis, but honestly, who does? And yet, I feel completely isolated politically. When I talk to my conservative friends, I am decried as a left-wing wacko. When I talk to my liberal friends, I am gawked at as an bizarre specimen of religious conservatism, or at least as a schizophrenic misfit.

I am a little lost. Not in what I think, but in where I fit.  

So I continue, practically, day-by-day to live out my politics. I want to be informed. I certainly listen to the news almost exclusively. But I am not particularly excited (either positively or negatively). I am interested, angst-ridden, deeply concerned, frustrated, isolated, hopeful, mournful, ambivalent.

Posted in Living, Politics, Thought | 5 Comments »

Time to diversify

April 3, 2009 by Chrissi

So, I claim that this is a blog about my thoughts on God, faith, culture, life but mostly so far it’s just been about God and faith. These are obviously great things to talk about, but I want to diversify a bit. This is for a number of reasons, most paramount of which is a concern that always talking about God-related stuff on here makes me feel like I keep needing to “push the envelope.” This could end up being unfruitful and even negative. Also, I simply am interested in other things and am not sure why I have a hard time blogging about them. I certainly talk about them. So, yah, I want to bridge that disconnect.

So, my question is this: what are the subjects that I should explore? So far I’m thinking about consumption (good? bad? where’s the line?), racism, adoption (we’re doing it, after all), and human trafficking (since this is a long-time passion of mine that has been on the back-burner lately). These are all good, but a bit predictable for those that know me. Give me more creative ideas! Things that will push me to learn!

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Compassion without understanding

April 2, 2009 by Chrissi

I’ve been thinking a lot about compassion and how much it depends upon understanding. This comes up a lot in my job, in which I interact often with folks from varied walks of life including generational poverty. I have worked hard to understand the realities of generational poverty, it’s causes, it’s culture and with this increase in knowledge, my empathy for people trapped in poverty has increase exponentially. Still, I wonder if this is always the case.
Christ seems to have modeled, not only compassion, but also real understanding of the plights of man. It could be argued that this was one of His primary reasons for coming to earth, to be in it with us! If this is the case, if Christ Himself felt compelled to not merely sympathize but also empathize, then shouldn’t we follow His example?
Nonetheless, some people just have it, a God-given, Spirit-breathed desperate love for a people or person that they know very little about. Perhaps it wouldn’t be sustainable or particularly effective long-term if they didn’t add knowledge and understanding to it. But it’s there, inexplicably, before they’ve learned much of anything. Perhaps we have an intuitive understanding of certain groups or individuals and because of that the seeds of compassion start growing. When they are watered with an increase in understanding, great things happen. 

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

Posted in Jesus, Practical Christianity, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Preach-Praying

April 1, 2009 by Chrissi

And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

I just read this and laughed because I always get annoyed when preachers preach-pray. You know what I mean, where they close their sermon by “praying” but they really just reiterate the points of their sermon: “Lord, thank you so much that you teach us to do point A, B, and C.”

But then I noticed Jesus did it, too. I guess the difference here is that He calls Himself out. He actually say, “I know this already but I’m saying it for the crowd.” That makes it way better. See, even when Jesus does annoying stuff, He does it in a cool way.

Posted in Jesus | 2 Comments »

Which one am I?

April 1, 2009 by Chrissi

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others:  ” Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, `God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Posted in Jesus, Religion | Tagged , , | 1 Comment »

Defining Open-mindedness

March 31, 2009 by Chrissi

I’ve noticed that almost any time I say anything even vaguely related to open-mindedness (I almost never use the actual term), someone sends out a warning of danger. Certainly, I understand that there is nothing good about being a weak-willed, feeble-minded follower. Yet none of us would have any of our current beliefs about anything if we hadn’t been at least a little bit open at one point.

While I will grant that there are risks in continued learning, these must be outweighed by the tremendous benefits! And if we “learn” only for the sake of supporting our current paradigms, of strengthening our pre-existing schemas, then is that really learning at all? Perhaps you might say, “heck yes it is!” I’m not so sure.

Now, although this is by no means strictly a theology blog, I recognize that it deals largely with the Christian faith so I must be careful what I say. I am not suggesting that every time we go to learn we remove our Christ from His throne and come with blank brains and no assumptions. Far be it! In fact, most of what I’m thinking about here is not even theologically related as much socially, culturally, ideologically. There is so much room for diversity within the Christian faith among so many smaller points. And more importantly, there are so many people. People who love Jesus. People who have never heard His name. People who have heard it, liked it, but remain undecided. If we come to these people begging them to open their hearts and their minds, should we not be an example of this learning spirit ourselves? Are we so confident that we got all of it right the first time–that the details we learned in Sunday School, Youth Group, Bible College, Sunday Church were exactly right and we need not consider them again? Is that the best?

So, this got me wondering. What is a fair definition of Open-mindedness? Or at least, what words should be associated with it? My challenge is that we carefully differentiate between weak-willed relativism and the ultimate strength of empathy and confidence that comes with a healthy dose of open-mindedness. Let’s think of it, not even so much as being about opening our minds to other ideas as to opening our minds (and hearts!) to the people who hold those ideas.

Likewise, let’s come to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, with the realization that we are not the co-author per se, we have not finished the book and only He knows it all perfectly. That’s open-mindedness that I hope we can all agree with. And learn from.

Posted in Politics, Religion | Tagged , , , | 11 Comments »

The Inbred Church

March 30, 2009 by Chrissi

Homosexuality may be one of the most hotly debated issues in christianity right now, but there is another “homo” lifestyle running rampant in the church and no one seems to be too concerned about it. Yes, that’s right. I’m talking about the destructive lifestyle of homogeny.

 It is human nature to want to be around people that are like us, people that we agree with. Many times I have heard myself say, “That guy/girl is awesome!” When what I really mean is, “We talked once and we totally agree politically, philosophically or theologically.” Said person may be a selfish jerk for all I know, but his ideology is right in line with mine, so he’s cool.

While this may be natural, it is by no means beneficial for christians (or any people, for that matter) to only interact with folks who look, act and think like them. My husband spoke a bit about this at church yesterday and I have stolen his usage of the descriptive word “Inbred” for this post. Obviously, this doesn’t refer to physical reproduction, but to the inbreeding of ideas, social expectations and spiritual understandings that can only lead to conformity and stagnation.

I am fortunate to have some truly wonderful people in my life who have totally different perspectives on a variety of important issues (no, not just semantical differences). I often hear people talking about avoiding discussions about politics, culture, religion, etc. with their families because of the disagreements that exist. I disagree! If we can’t interact respectfully with the people we love then how are to understand the stranger with whom we seemingly have nothing in common? I am happy that my parents and many of my friends have very different perspectives than me on many issues, yet are willing to continue to discuss them with me. Sometimes we get mad, sometimes we worry about the state of the others mind or heart, but we continue to be in it with each other, to attempt to see the other’s perspective. And we are all better for it.

At church yesterday, we were shouting out thanksgivings to the Lord for whatever was on our hearts. One of our congregants, a quirky older lady, spoke aloud, “Lord, thank you for our pastor. Sometimes I agree with him, a lot of times I don’t, but he always makes me think.” Regardless of what that says about the pastor, I love what it says about this woman. She appreciates the fact that we can agree on the paramount and disagree about everything else and have a great time doing it.

So the challenge is this, how do we maintain and appreciate those relationships which make us the most angry? How do we learn to live together, to support each other, to minister and love with those whose opinions seem ridiculous, dangerous, or just wrong to us? How do we discipline ourselves to actually seek out people who challenge our belief systems? Should we even try to do these things? Or is it an inevitability that those who gather together to worship the same God must morph into carbon copies of each other? I think not. I hope not.

The problem is that we as humans continue to build systems that enable us to avoid interactions with the “others” (no, I don’t mean sonar fences like on Lost, but close). We live in segregated neighborhoods in segregated communities. We require every church, every denomination to articulate their beliefs down to the last final letter so we know exactly what we’re getting into before we show up. That way we never have to worry that the pastor we are paying for says something that we don’t like. Heaven forbid!

Rather than getting into specifics on how to avoid this natural bent toward stagnation, I think the best thing (as always) is to check our hearts and make sure we appreciate the importance of other people’s perspectives. If we truly believe that it is GOOD that other people think differently than us, we will be more respectful and appreciative of the people in our lives who seem to always be upsetting our paradigms. We may choose to go to a church which is slightly outside our norm, we may take a class at the college about something that freaks us out (anthropology of gender is a great choice), we may befriend the neighbor/co-worker who strikes us a weirdo. Whatever we do, it will come from a heart of genuine humility and empathy for those that are different than us (which is always the majority, regardless of your views). And we will be smarter, more empathic, more effective, and more Christ-like for it.

After all, He listens to all of our ridiculous, misinformed opinions and never yells at us or switches denominations.


Posted in Church, Politics, Religion | 10 Comments »

CHRISSI on “JESUS CREED”…Proud SPOUSE

March 20, 2009 by Chrissi

Hey mates,  Kevin Wright here.  I’m hacking into Chrissi Wright dot com to alert you that she was featured on Jesus Creed today.  Jesus Creed is a widely read rig over at BELIEFnet.  So, I’m just bragging on how brilliant my lady is.  It is also interesting to see comments from the B-sphere on her writings.  It is one of her recent blog posts, but you can go see it at BELIEFnet here.

While I’m here, let me just say that I am overwhelmingly in love with Chrissi, and I am proud to say that I have exclusive rights to her :)

Mad props CW

love, KW

Tortugas like K and C

Tortugas like K and C

Posted in Living | 2 Comments »

Defining Church

March 20, 2009 by Chrissi

Being a pastor’s wife and ministry leader in my own right, I have the honor of hearing what many people expect from church. Sometimes its in the midst of a “break up” talk in which they tell me why they’re leaving our church; most of the time its just folks sharing their dreams and hopes for whatever church/faith community they’re a part of. Many of their hopes are heart-breakingly beautiful, some are just selfish. One thing I’ve learned absolutely, there is no one answer.

I think all churches should be inflatable

I think all churches should be inflatable

People have so many different ideas of what church is supposed to look like, feel like, provide them with that it leaves me, sometimes, a little disillusioned. 

Now, I know the classic argument for this: “That’s why we have so many denominations! So everyone can find a place that’s right for them.” And certainly, this is true. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t wish that we all had at least a generally consistent view of what basic functions the church ought to have. If we want different music, preaching style, or cultural vibe, so be it. But shouldn’t the core of the church, of all churches, be consistent, and known to all its people?

I say all its people because I’m concerned that the average “church-goer” has lost sight, lacks knowledge of what it is they’re “going to” and why. I’m concerned that the yard-stick they/we use to measure a church might be the wrong one altogether.

Here’s an off-the-cuff list of the top church-judgement phrases I hear from average people and why they concern me:

1) “Getting Fed”: Either “I’m not” or “I am.” I first learned this term in Bible college and I just loved it. There’s a certain matter-of-fact smugness about it that suited me at age 18. Shortly thereafter, however, I started to wonder about it’s legitimacy. Where in the Bible does it say to gather together in community, plop down, and passively open your mouth so that the sanctioned “teacher” can stuff all kinds of spiritual morsels down your throat? I don’t see it. This is, flat out, the consumerism of our culture seeping into our expectations of church.

2) “The Holy Spirit Wasn’t There (or was)”: Or another version, “The Holy Spirit COULDN’T work there!” What? Last time I checked, the Holy Spirit is God of the Universe. This sort of implies that He is everywhere and can do anything. Certainly, in a situation where there is real sin and corruption, I imagine the Holy Spirit would choose to make Himself scarce, so to speak, as a sign of said darkness. But usually that is not how I hear this used. Usually what people mean is that the music wasn’t festive/deep/good/sad enough for them to connect emotionally. Or, if they were really honest, folks might just say, “I’m just not feelin’ it.”

3) “They teach the Word.”: This is another one that is often said with simplistic smugness, and therefore, another one that I LOVED in my youth. Now, certainly, there are churches that have all but completely abandoned the teachings of scripture and have gone their own way. We should all avoid that, absolutely. But again, this phrase is rarely used in contrast to full-on liberal churches. Usually, it’s just used to compare to other Bible-believing, Christ-adoring churches who may not, say, go verse-by-verse every Sunday. As if that was the only, or even best way to tell God’s huge amazing story.

So here are the top three phrases I hear out and about, sometimes in relation to my church, sometimes others, and they leave me with a real sense of bemusement. Not that all of these people are off-base or crazy, but rather that after hearing all of their voices I, too, become uncertain of what church ought to be. If “getting fed” shouldn’t be our primary motivation, what should?

Here’s my list:

1) An opportunity to practice (long-term) love, loyalty, humility, service, kindness, unselfishness, etc. within a consistent community of believers. The goal is not to get fed but to feed. This can’t exist if people jump churches every six months or even 5 years. Most of these traits, the Holy Spirit qualities, come only with longsuffering commitment to a body of believers.

2) A place to use the gifts God has given me to actively minister to others and a place to network with other believers on how to actively minister to the world around me.

3) A place where truth and grace is spoken, both from the “pulpit” and amongst the “pews.” Maybe its not always perfect, sharp, clean but it is sincere and honest and Holy Spirit-driven. (This is listed 3rd because although it is very, very, very important, it is often treated as if it was the ONLY important thing).

4) A place where I am safe to learn, to ask questions, safe to struggle. A place where I can encourage those who are struggling, accept others where they’re at and be accepted right where I’m at. 

And here’s why I like my list better. ;) Because it is not consumer based, it is relationally based. Because it’s not based on what I get, but what I can give, how I can interact. If church should be any one thing, it should be a community. In that community, if we learn to love each other honestly, to bear each other’s burdens humbly, to follow Jesus together, really together, then the Church might just have a chance to be one of the other things it was always meant to be–A light to the world!

Posted in Church, Religion | Tagged , , | 2 Comments »

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