Archive Page 2

Hope in Love

Published April 22, 2009 Uncategorized 1 Comment

A few days ago, one of my best friends in the world asked his amazing girlfriend to become his wife. Obviously, this is a huge, exciting, wonderful thing, but I have to admit that I’m almost embarrassed by how thrilled and emotional I am about it. I feel like I have the same naive, idealistic ideas about marriage that I did when Kevin asked me to marry him almost 9 years ago. There is not a speck of, “I hope they know what they’re getting into,” or “Marriage is tough.” Instead, I just feel joy and hope in boundless waves.

And this has got me thinking about how most of the really great things we do, we do out of hope. Marriage, parenting, ministry, friendship–all of these choices make us incredibly vulnerable to heart ache and disappointment, yet they are the things that give our lives meaning. Perhaps our expectations are unrealistic, perhaps we intentionally ignore the “warning signs” of issues to come (every great relationship has them, after all), but more and more I think that God wired us exactly like that on purpose. Because life is an exciting, messy, beautiful journey and the more intimate our relationships the more exaggerated these attributes become. Who would really want a clean, sterile, safe life? Not me!

So here’s to Matt and Bess and all the other dreamers and adventurers willing to put it all out there for hope and love!

What’s Wrong With Women?

Published April 21, 2009 Living , Practical Christianity , justice 2 Comments

This is a question that has been coming up around me a lot lately, and always by women (men might wonder it too, but they know better than to say it!). In some ways it has been cool since my youth for a girl to say she just “gets” guys better, that she’s a tomboy, that hanging with girls “freaks her out.” But the women I am interacting with now are not trying to act cool. They’re actually hurt and confused by behavior that they see as distinct to their gender.

Examples of “what’s wrong with women” include their proclivities for the following:
*Gossip
*Pettiness
*Fakeness in groups
*Fickle friendships
*Competitiveness amongst each other

I hear about these issues both within the church and among my unchurched friends. They seem to be rampant. And it’s got me wondering, is there something innately wrong with my gender? Are we just geared to cause problems for each other, to compete with each other, to hurt each other? Is that how God made us?

And then I decide, rather quickly, NO!

The issues I have presented as being distinctly female also exist in the male population but I do believe they are more prominent among women. This is NOT because we are genetically wired to be petty, competitive back-biters. Rather, it is because, despite all of our progress, women are still insecure in their standing in our society. This is due to the sort of systemic sexism of which most men are totally unaware and may even refuse to acknowledge. Sure, we can vote. We can get divorced. We can (in theory) apply for jobs without being afraid that we will be denied employment strictly based on our gender. These overt forms of sexism have largely been remedied (notice I didn’t mention the wage difference between men and women. That’s a whole other issue). But covert sexism remains. And it messes women up!

One of the most tragic forms of covert sexism is the fact that women in positions of power or success are generally forced to be representatives of their gender. For example, a male CEO of a major company is simply called, “The CEO,” whereas a female CEO is generally referred to as “The CEO, who’s a woman,” or “The lady CEO.” If they mess up, their gender will quite probably be brought up (in private situations) as part of the issue. This reality sets all of us on edge just a bit.

Similarly, there are just an enormous amount of unfair stereotypes of how women behave, work, communicate. Some women believe these things about other women (even if they know they’re not true of themselves), and by doing so CREATE the very stereotypical behavior! This is certainly true of the list above. If women expect other women, say, in the work place to play by that list, they are going to behave very differently than they would if they thought the other women would most likely be kind, supportive and professional. We believe it and we make it happen.

And finally, much of this comes down to expectations. Because women in America are essentially not allowed (by societal norms) to be direct about what they want, overtly aggressive in pursuing it, and energized when they succeed. Such behavior usually elicits name calling (usually a very specific name) and resentment from both genders. This means women have to figure out more creative, less honest, sneakier ways to pursue their dreams. And sneakiness leads to insecurity which leads to pettiness which lends itself rather easily to meanness.

I am just touching this issue and I’m sure there are some parts I have not articulated very clearly. But I will say this with confidence: If we allow women to be honest, open, and straightforward without bringing their gender into the situation, we will help alleviate a lot of our very bad habits. How we allow this is subtle and yet difficult. The presidential race with Hillary Clinton blew me away regarding this issue. We as a nation are so bad about allowing strong, articulate, intelligent women to simply be persons, not dykes or bi$%*es or dominatrixes, or some other word that points out how unnatural we find unbridled strength in the form of a female. Most of it needs to start with our minds and our mouths.

To close, I’d like to tell you about how my friend, Kelsi, and I are helping each other work on a habit that seems pretty harmless. We are attempting to stop referring to co-ed or female groups of people as “guys.” You know, you walk into a room of both men and women and you say, “Hey guys, what are you up to?” Totally harmless on the surface (and the intent), yet it helps to reinforce the assumption that men are neutral and women are other. After all, you would never walk into a group of both genders and say “What’s up, gals?” That would be so rude! But why?

Sexism remains a reality. It may no longer be in the law books. It may be frowned upon in polite company. But it has permeated so many aspects of our lives that we simply breathe it in like air. And it’s poisoning women.

Standing Firm or Looking Dumb

Published April 16, 2009 Uncategorized 11 Comments

One of the hardest issues for Christians right now is how to interact with science. In fact, this is nothing new. The church has a rather long and tense history with science and the results have not always been excellent. Now, in many ways I believe that the church has gotten an unfair rap. It is rarely acknowledged, for example, that for centuries the church WAS the scientific community and therefore many of our most significant scientific findings were discovered by monks and other ministers. Discovery about creation was viewed as one of the best ways to honor the Creator. A beautiful sentiment!

Two happy odontochelys swimming merrily 592 billion years ago, or something like that.

But then there’s the other side. Namely that if scientific findings don’t fit within the framework of church understanding, they are ignored, attacked or covered up. This was certainly the case with ideas about astronomy and the earth revolving around the sun. Embarrassing stuff. Growing up, this was always presented to me (in my conservative protestant private school) as a Catholic problem, as if once the Protestants got on the scene they were advocating for scientific fact at all costs to current paradigms. Not so! Check out this quote from everyone’s favorite Protestant, Martin Luther: “People gave ear to an upstart astrologer [Copernicus] who strove to show that the earth revolves, not the heavens or the firmament, the sun and the moon . . . This fool wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy; but sacred scripture tells us that Joshua [Joshua 10:13] commanded the sun to stand still, and not the earth.” – “Table Talks” in 1539

Oops. Bad call, Mr. Luther. But is it really his fault? Isn’t he just interpreting scripture directly, literally, like so many do, like so many believe we must? Is that (now don’t freak out on me) basically what many conservative Christians are doing right now with issues of the age of the earth and even global warming? I don’t know! I’m just asking.

Now, the global warming one is weird because, honestly, there is nothing in the Bible that even mildly refutes the possibility of us royally screwing up the earth. Yet many Christians refuse to believe it and I believe this is largely because we have been trained to distrust the scientific community. I’ve even heard folks allude to vaguely biblical notions of “man’s wisdom vs. God’s wisdom” as if they weren’t depending on human ingenuity in virtually every aspect of their lives.

The old earth thing is harder. I was definitely raised to believe scientists had lost their minds and sold their souls to believe that the earth was hundreds of millions of years old. Being not particularly scientifically minded, I’ve never really nailed down how I feel about this. I was taught to just sort of filter out those numbers when they were stated in the various secular science classes I’ve taken over the years. And honestly, it’s not that hard to do. Those are some crazy numbers and they seem to say the wildest guesses as if they’re absolute fact, “Well, we all know that 483 billion years ago the paleomegasoringon hippogifigus was happily trouncing about the countryside with his four tails, largely dining on protazinthozidus.” Uhh, no we don’t. It sounds ridiculous. Nevertheless, I now I’m sitting here wondering, does God really want me to always assume that if I don’t understand something, it must not be understandable? If I don’t get it, then He just did it in some magical way that scientists couldn’t understand either. Is that what He wants from me? The problem with this way of thinking is that it can only go bad for God’s team. If we make everything we don’t understand into a miracle, then as scientific understanding catches up they are essentially forced to kill a miracle. But WE did it, not them!

I definitely don’t know how the earth was made exactly (neither do you) and I would appreciate it if no one used this blog to convince me one way or the other (this means you, global warming conspiracy decriers! You know who you are!). Instead, I’d just like to hear if anyone else struggles with this. Not that the Bible isn’t true, but that it doesn’t fare super well as a literal science book. Or maybe it does! But our interpretations have been terrible. Or maybe they haven’t!

Nevertheless, if the church is viewed as a force opposed to scientific learning, how do we as individuals or christian groups propagate that or refute that? Should we?

This is a contentious issue in our society but I don’t think it’s necessarily a well thought out one. What I do like about it, is that it forces me to come to Jesus in my usual way and say, “I don’t get it, Lord!” He’s totally used to that. It’s kind of our thing.

Provocative Post on the End of Evangelicalism

Published April 13, 2009 Church , Politics , Religion 3 Comments

I hear a lot about American becoming a post-Christian nation. Some think it’s good and will bring us back to a simple, humble, honest faith. Some think it’s terrible and we have to fight it with all our might. Some don’t buy it at all.
Regardless, all the good information about this alleged trend seems to come in book form and I seem to already be reading 3-4 books at a given time. That’s why I was pleased to find a blog post on this subject that is actually good. Greg Boyd read the books I should be reading and summarized his findings, as well as his opinions, on his blog here. Check it out.

The Ridiculousness of Our Faith

Published April 13, 2009 Church , Jesus , Religion 3 Comments

So I was talking to some fellow ministry pals about communion. They were wondering whether we should have communion in a given situation in which there were bound to be lots of folks who didn’t profess Christ as Lord. I thought we should. Everyone else thought we shouldn’t. We ended up not having it, which was fine. We still remembered Jesus. And while I think they were probably largely correct in some ways, the conversation stirred up some stuff in me. Namely, that our faith can not help but seem weird, bizarre, odd.

Now, I wasn’t pushing for communion because I wanted to be insensitive to seekers or because I’m all about loud, bold proclamations of the faith. In fact, I’m much more fond of the daily life lived in humility and compassion than the best preaching from a soapbox in the midst of downtown shoppers.

The reason it bothered me, I think, is because I was so struck by the ridiculousness of trying to make our faith appear not ridiculous.

That’s right. It’s ridiculous. It’s foolish. It’s devoting your life to unseen things that may or may not be true based on a book compiled by some guys in the 3rd century. It is, at its best, laying down your life, sacrificing wealth and comfort, being humble even when you’re the best _______ in the room, all for an invisible God (totally unreasonable). It is turning the other cheek. It is blessing your enemy. It is talking out loud when there seems to be no one else in the room because you believe the same previously mentioned invisible God wants to hear from you.

Of course, there are reasons we believe what we believe. Good ones. That is not what I’m questioning. But if we try to make our faith seem totally reasonable, then we will lose all that is great about it. Math is reasonable. Faith is not supposed to be. It is not math. It’s art.

The 20th century church, largely as a result of the 18th century Age of Enlightenment, tried to make our faith in Christ “provable.” Historical arguments and my favorite, apologetics, have swept through the church ever since. And look how the church has thrived!!! (sarcasm implicit)

We choose to follow a 1st century rabbi who got Himself killed, not because it’s reasonable, but because it is powerful. Not because it is the most logical way we have found, but because it is the best way, the most loving way, the most compassionate way that we have found. We don’t see him, but we believe.

I’m starting to think that the more “reasonable” we try to make it, the more ridiculous we look and act. When we embrace our faith journey as something “other,” as something spiritual, then we are more honest with ourselves and the world around us. I think the world might like that. If we were honest for once.

And I think Jesus is OK with us giving up on 18th century ideals of what’s important.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

Pursuing Your Dreams

Published April 8, 2009 Living 2 Comments

I recently read a chapter from a book about my generation, dubbed “Generation Me” (that’s also the name of the book, by Jean Twenge) that has got me thinking about the concept of pursuing one’s dreams. As I understood it, it’s the belief of this author that my generation has been accidentally set up. She explains how well-meaning parents and teachers spent too much time cultivating our self-esteem and not enough cultivating our self-control. We were told that we could do anything we wanted with our lives, we were given trophies just for participating, we were told that the most important thing to do was follow our dreams.

Oops!

While our parents and teachers might have encouraged us to think we could do anything we put our minds to, the reality is that we can’t! While we were told to never settle for anything short of achieving our dreams, the reality is that dreams–by their very nature–are not necessarily ever to be reality. Most of us are simply not good enough at the things we like to be the best at them! I think about this every year when I watch the tryouts for American Idol. But I digress…

This is a hard one because, like anything, there is much good in this message so

When I was little, my dream was to be a dancing pop star like Paula Abdul.

convincingly given to us. Namely, that the ONLY way to accomplish your dreams is to pursue them (although that doesn’t necessarily ensure that you will be successful), that we shouldn’t let insecurity and self doubt interfere with our plans, etc. Many of us were also taught that we would have to work hard to pursue our dreams. Many were not.

I am a lucky one, I now realize. Until high school I went to a private Christian school that definitely did not buy in to the self-esteem movement. I wish they had just a little bit, but they didn’t. My parents, while supportive, just didn’t use this weird ethereal language about believing in yourself no matter what and reaching for the stars. They complimented me on the things I was good at, encouraged me to work harder, and let me wander and fall a few times. But that doesn’t mean I was immune to what I believe was one of the primary themes of our generation. I just spiritualized it.

I spent my late teen years in a constant state of angst that I was going to miss “my calling.” Some of this urgency led me to do great things, like pack up my stuff and move to the Philippines with my husband 6 months after we got married. But it also caused an incredible amount of stress and confusion.

And now, while I am happily pursuing a Masters in Counseling and excited about the opportunities it will provide me to impact people’s lives, I’m not sure if I would say it is my lifelong dream or anything like that. Life is a journey and I like the way mine is going. That’s about it.

Yet around me are many smart, capable, wonderful friends who have swallowed the pill and the result is dreadful. Many don’t even have dreams, yet they feel that they have “wait” for the dream to come along so they can pursue it. They’re stuck in dead-end jobs and they’re waiting. Other friends are at various levels of attempting to live out there childhood dreams. Some are for sure going to make it. Some, I can see, are not. Many are determined that it is God’s responsibility to ensure that their dream is fulfilled. Their faith in Him is now inextricably tied to their own success. Scary.

And to be honest, I’m not sure what to say to them. Quit? Give up? God’s not concerned with your dream? You’ll never make it? I don’t know about you, but I am NOT going to be that person. Especially because some of them will make it, some of them will reach the stars. While our generation as a whole might have been misled into thinking fulfillment and success were their birthrights, there are certainly many who will enjoy both.

For those still waiting for their dream, I think it’s a bit easier to address, although it does still sound cruel to our Generation Me ears. To them I would say, “Hey, just find something you like, something that challenges you a bit, pays reasonably well, and makes the world better in some way and do it.” Even that privilege is just remarkable. Most people in this trouble-laden world just do what they can to keep themselves clothed and fed. At least some of us will actually get to do jobs we like. And that’s good enough. Isn’t it?

This all reminds me of my favorite movie in high school, Reality Bites. This movie is also probably largely responsible for my less idealist perspective on adulthood (and for my adolescent smoking habit which, fortunately, didn’t last long). In it, the main character asks her newly graduated (from college) friend what he wants to do with his life. His answer is perfect: “I guess I’d like to have a career or something.”

Political Ambivalence

Published April 7, 2009 Living , Politics , Thought 3 Comments

So, when I posted my desire to diversify, one of my very politically active friends suggested I look into some recent actions of the new administration and share my opinions. I am here to confess that I haven’t done this. I am, like many, in a constant state of political ambivalence and I don’t know what to do about it.

To some of you who know me, this may be surprising as I seem to have strong opinions on just about everything, and there are certainly many “political” subjects about which I feel passionate. But when it comes to believing that any of these so-called political issues can be solved through political (i.e. government) action, I feel the energy and hope draining through my fingertips.

Case in point, our handsome, brilliant, inspiring, articulate current president. As a person, he is just the coolest. I love hearing him talk, I love his life story, I admire his wife tremendously and respect him for marrying a strong, powerful woman. But do I have any faith that he is going to make any right decisions in this time of turmoil? No, not really.

Certainly, I may be a bit cynical, but there is more to this core of ambivalence than mere cynicism or apathy. There is a feeling, even a conviction, that there is no place for me. I remember when my father pointed out that commercials were no longer geared toward him or his generation, but to the newer generation. He added that this seemingly unimportant fact made him feel a bit, well, irrelevant. I mean, they were just commercials, but somehow their message was, “this isn’t really about you anymore.” This is very much how I feel every time I try to delve into the political sphere. While I don’t feel that my entire generation is irrelevant (heck, we’re probably more empowered than we deserve), I do sometimes feel that I am.

That is because I (and I’m thinking millions and millions of others) just can’t seem to fit myself into either of the grab-bag options given to us in this wacky American political system. I am not a conservative, but I am not a liberal. I am wandering in the wasteland of moderation. Not only am I a moderate, but I don’t even seem to be a good, proper, understandable moderate. I seem to mix up the issues that moderates are supposed to be concerned about. When I’m supposed to lean just a bit left, I find myself gravitating toward the right. When all the good moderates are siding with the conservatives, I find myself unable to.

So there is no place for me. Let’s be honest about how we as a country tend to feel about moderates. They’re boring. They waffle. They’re disloyal. If you’re a conservative you think they’re just a liberal trying to trick you and if you’re a liberal, they are just a conservative trying to be hip. They don’t effect change. They don’t make a difference. They don’t really know where they stand on the issues.

But those things are not true! At least not from where I stand (which, granted, may be a bit biased). I think I do know where I stand. It’s just that I always seem to be with different people. I know how I feel about abortion, capital punishment, gay rights, racism, public schools, foreign policy /war, women’s rights, poverty in America, global warming and more. I might not have a great grasp on what the heck to do with the current economic crisis, but honestly, who does? And yet, I feel completely isolated politically. When I talk to my conservative friends, I am decried as a left-wing wacko. When I talk to my liberal friends, I am gawked at as an bizarre specimen of religious conservatism, or at least as a schizophrenic misfit.

I am a little lost. Not in what I think, but in where I fit.

So I continue, practically, day-by-day to live out my politics. I want to be informed. I certainly listen to the news almost exclusively. But I am not particularly excited (either positively or negatively). I am interested, angst-ridden, deeply concerned, frustrated, isolated, hopeful, mournful, ambivalent.

Time to diversify

Published April 3, 2009 Uncategorized 6 Comments

So, I claim that this is a blog about my thoughts on God, faith, culture, life but mostly so far it’s just been about God and faith. These are obviously great things to talk about, but I want to diversify a bit. This is for a number of reasons, most paramount of which is a concern that always talking about God-related stuff on here makes me feel like I keep needing to “push the envelope.” This could end up being unfruitful and even negative. Also, I simply am interested in other things and am not sure why I have a hard time blogging about them. I certainly talk about them. So, yah, I want to bridge that disconnect.

So, my question is this: what are the subjects that I should explore? So far I’m thinking about consumption (good? bad? where’s the line?), racism, adoption (we’re doing it, after all), and human trafficking (since this is a long-time passion of mine that has been on the back-burner lately). These are all good, but a bit predictable for those that know me. Give me more creative ideas! Things that will push me to learn!

Compassion without understanding

Published April 2, 2009 Jesus , Practical Christianity , Uncategorized Leave a Comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about compassion and how much it depends upon understanding. This comes up a lot in my job, in which I interact often with folks from varied walks of life including generational poverty. I have worked hard to understand the realities of generational poverty, it’s causes, it’s culture and with this increase in knowledge, my empathy for people trapped in poverty has increase exponentially. Still, I wonder if this is always the case.
Christ seems to have modeled, not only compassion, but also real understanding of the plights of man. It could be argued that this was one of His primary reasons for coming to earth, to be in it with us! If this is the case, if Christ Himself felt compelled to not merely sympathize but also empathize, then shouldn’t we follow His example?
Nonetheless, some people just have it, a God-given, Spirit-breathed desperate love for a people or person that they know very little about. Perhaps it wouldn’t be sustainable or particularly effective long-term if they didn’t add knowledge and understanding to it. But it’s there, inexplicably, before they’ve learned much of anything. Perhaps we have an intuitive understanding of certain groups or individuals and because of that the seeds of compassion start growing. When they are watered with an increase in understanding, great things happen.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

Preach-Praying

Published April 1, 2009 Jesus 2 Comments

And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

I just read this and laughed because I always get annoyed when preachers preach-pray. You know what I mean, where they close their sermon by “praying” but they really just reiterate the points of their sermon: “Lord, thank you so much that you teach us to do point A, B, and C.”

But then I noticed Jesus did it, too. I guess the difference here is that He calls Himself out. He actually say, “I know this already but I’m saying it for the crowd.” That makes it way better. See, even when Jesus does annoying stuff, He does it in a cool way.

« Previous Page — Next Page »