I feel for you with a 20-month wait so far. Not gonna lie – I feel guilty somedays that we only waited 9.5 months for our referral. I don’t think you’re creepy. I did the same exact thing while dreaming about Ezekiel.

Not gonna lie about this either – when you get the referral (funnest day EVER), the wait gets even harder. Because now you KNOW who your child is, but don’t get to be with them. Your heart feels heavy and your mind is preoccupied at all times. But then you go to the beautiful Philippines and you bring home this child and it’s scary. Very scary. And then suddenly they’ve been home for 14 months and you realize that it was all totally worth the heartache and the scariness. It’s still always hard and still sometimes scary, but oh so totally worth it.

I can tell by your comment and your blog that if we lived near each other, we’d be pals. I saw your Greg Boyd link. We went to his church for a while. I wish we lived close enough that we could still go. I like that guy. My sister lives in Portland, so I really love Oregon. She’s usually trying to come up with new reasons for us to move out there.

I like to ramble. If you couldn’t tell.

It not just Americans I have noticed (I am American/Swedish/Swiss citizen), so dont be hard on yourselves! I have had that same comment form different Europeans, and it is probably just a first comment from those of us living in more financially privledged countries than others, without thinking deeper. We all should think (and act) deeper, no matter what the help we feel compelled to do is.

However financially-priveldged societies may not be more love-privildged than those in poorer communities. In fact we have tendencies to have a love for money, influenced by our surroundings. Love for our neightbors is the most important, and the more we give there more there is.
Vero

Your comments are like a twin of my thoughts and feelings. We are at 14 months waiting time, and it’s a mix of patiently waiting (on the Lord…. to finally make if happen now!) but also trusting that the right time wiil be good for us. Even if I have to go through the emotions of sudden teared-up eyes mixed with pure pleasure of kids around me or fear of no longer being able to just do what I want, for me, once the child arrives in our home. But finally, we can give more to him/her than if we had been younger and not yet experienced about what it means to be childless.

It must have been amazing to spend 3 years in the PH. I wish I would have been in a different thought-place when I was younger, feels like I lost at least 15 years of time we could have spent more wisely. Like not ‘enjoying’ the riches of western life, but giving more love (which would have been more fulfilling!). On the other hand, now I know what that means, really. So the 2nd half will be SO different than the first.

See you around!
Vero

I have been thinking lately of the same things, and have been trying to go thru my taught traditions and weed out the sketchy stuff.

good post!

It feels freaking awesome, I can’t lie. It feels good to wonder about what color I’ll paint my toes next, and whether or not I’ll make it through Grapes of Wrath, not The Gospel in a Pluralistic Society. But then I wonder, is this just that whole “ignorance is bliss” pitfall and before I know it the biggest word in my vocabulary will be “awesome” and I’ll be sighing over my wardrobe more than how to engage the homeless guy who’s taking bottles out of my work’s recycling bin?

Maybe it is necessary for our health and effectivity to take a flippin’ break from it all every once in a while to gain better perspective and clarity so then we can start asking the questions and pulling the hair out all over again. Maybe this is one of those beautiful “seasons”. Maybe it’s a necessary way to remind us that we are, in fact, tiny, ineffective little humans and there’s really not a whole lot we can do but take care of ourselves and others along the way– and do that well. As the phrase goes…if we can’t love ourselves, how are we going to love others? I think loving ourself means letting our brains be silent for a while so all that noise actually means something.

Hugh Ross, an astronomer and christian, wrote a book called “A Matter of Days” that has been helpful for me to reconcile faith and science. He believes in the Old Earth, progressive creation theory, which seems to make the most sense to me without having to compromise on neither the biblical nor scientific side. It’s worth a read.

Anyway, good to see that you and Kevin are doing well.

Annaliese Fulmer-Foote