One concept I’ve been thinking about lately, during my respite from excessive thought, is whether thinking itself–or more specifically thinking about broad, esoteric concepts such as theology or philosophy–is particularly beneficial or if it might be perhaps a bit destructive. Of course, this is an entirely personal question. No one can (should) answer this question for the general population. But I mean for me. Is my hiatus from the world of debate, study, discussion good for me? Should I make it permanent? Or am I falling into numb, comfortable lethargy without even realizing it? This is the nagging thought I’m not thinking. But I am thinking it.
First, let me explain where I’ve been lately. I have been enjoying a magical land that I often visited as a kid but had almost forgotten about it. You guessed it, I’m talking about Summer. This is my first year working for the school district and I am absolutely LOVING the whole summer-off concept. I’ve been working a bit at my dad’s insurance office, doing some school work (Ironically, I have work off in the summer and school very much on), but mostly doing whatever the heck I want. And in this new (and transient) state, I’ve noticed my brain has been very, very quiet.
So now I’m debating with myself as to whether this new, simpler, more optimistic Chrissi is the better Chrissi. It feels better. But it also feels sort of, well, inevitably temporary.
Perhaps this is a sign that old Chrissi is emerging and ready to get back to the good ol’ anxiety-ridden, impossible-question-asking, theology-wrestling days of Autumn. We shall see.
i for one like to get lost in my own thoughts. even the scary ones.
So appropriate because along with my gleeful break from classes, I have been feeling and wondering the same thing. I have less anxiety, but much of this is attributed to less news perusing (I have NPR as my homepage. Used to be a brilliant way to peak my interest. Don’t ask me the last time I actually read it. Crap.), less intense theological discussion and less exposure, self-blame and angst over all the injustices in the world.
It feels freaking awesome, I can’t lie. It feels good to wonder about what color I’ll paint my toes next, and whether or not I’ll make it through Grapes of Wrath, not The Gospel in a Pluralistic Society. But then I wonder, is this just that whole “ignorance is bliss” pitfall and before I know it the biggest word in my vocabulary will be “awesome” and I’ll be sighing over my wardrobe more than how to engage the homeless guy who’s taking bottles out of my work’s recycling bin?
Maybe it is necessary for our health and effectivity to take a flippin’ break from it all every once in a while to gain better perspective and clarity so then we can start asking the questions and pulling the hair out all over again. Maybe this is one of those beautiful “seasons”. Maybe it’s a necessary way to remind us that we are, in fact, tiny, ineffective little humans and there’s really not a whole lot we can do but take care of ourselves and others along the way– and do that well. As the phrase goes…if we can’t love ourselves, how are we going to love others? I think loving ourself means letting our brains be silent for a while so all that noise actually means something.