I recently read a chapter from a book about my generation, dubbed “Generation Me” (that’s also the name of the book, by Jean Twenge) that has got me thinking about the concept of pursuing one’s dreams. As I understood it, it’s the belief of this author that my generation has been accidentally set up. She explains how well-meaning parents and teachers spent too much time cultivating our self-esteem and not enough cultivating our self-control. We were told that we could do anything we wanted with our lives, we were given trophies just for participating, we were told that the most important thing to do was follow our dreams.

Oops!

While our parents and teachers might have encouraged us to think we could do anything we put our minds to, the reality is that we can’t! While we were told to never settle for anything short of achieving our dreams, the reality is that dreams–by their very nature–are not necessarily ever to be reality. Most of us are simply not good enough at the things we like to be the best at them! I think about this every year when I watch the tryouts for American Idol. But I digress…

This is a hard one because, like anything, there is much good in this message so

When I was little, my dream was to be a dancing pop star like Paula Abdul.

convincingly given to us. Namely, that the ONLY way to accomplish your dreams is to pursue them (although that doesn’t necessarily ensure that you will be successful), that we shouldn’t let insecurity and self doubt interfere with our plans, etc. Many of us were also taught that we would have to work hard to pursue our dreams. Many were not.

I am a lucky one, I now realize. Until high school I went to a private Christian school that definitely did not buy in to the self-esteem movement. I wish they had just a little bit, but they didn’t. My parents, while supportive, just didn’t use this weird ethereal language about believing in yourself no matter what and reaching for the stars. They complimented me on the things I was good at, encouraged me to work harder, and let me wander and fall a few times. But that doesn’t mean I was immune to what I believe was one of the primary themes of our generation. I just spiritualized it.

I spent my late teen years in a constant state of angst that I was going to miss “my calling.” Some of this urgency led me to do great things, like pack up my stuff and move to the Philippines with my husband 6 months after we got married. But it also caused an incredible amount of stress and confusion.

And now, while I am happily pursuing a Masters in Counseling and excited about the opportunities it will provide me to impact people’s lives, I’m not sure if I would say it is my lifelong dream or anything like that. Life is a journey and I like the way mine is going. That’s about it.

Yet around me are many smart, capable, wonderful friends who have swallowed the pill and the result is dreadful. Many don’t even have dreams, yet they feel that they have “wait” for the dream to come along so they can pursue it. They’re stuck in dead-end jobs and they’re waiting. Other friends are at various levels of attempting to live out there childhood dreams. Some are for sure going to make it. Some, I can see, are not. Many are determined that it is God’s responsibility to ensure that their dream is fulfilled. Their faith in Him is now inextricably tied to their own success. Scary.

And to be honest, I’m not sure what to say to them. Quit? Give up? God’s not concerned with your dream? You’ll never make it? I don’t know about you, but I am NOT going to be that person. Especially because some of them will make it, some of them will reach the stars. While our generation as a whole might have been misled into thinking fulfillment and success were their birthrights, there are certainly many who will enjoy both.

For those still waiting for their dream, I think it’s a bit easier to address, although it does still sound cruel to our Generation Me ears. To them I would say, “Hey, just find something you like, something that challenges you a bit, pays reasonably well, and makes the world better in some way and do it.” Even that privilege is just remarkable. Most people in this trouble-laden world just do what they can to keep themselves clothed and fed. At least some of us will actually get to do jobs we like. And that’s good enough. Isn’t it?

This all reminds me of my favorite movie in high school, Reality Bites. This movie is also probably largely responsible for my less idealist perspective on adulthood (and for my adolescent smoking habit which, fortunately, didn’t last long). In it, the main character asks her newly graduated (from college) friend what he wants to do with his life. His answer is perfect: “I guess I’d like to have a career or something.”